To be perfectly honest, I think about death all the time. At least once a day the thought floats through my mind, “I could die today.” Seem dark and depressing? Yeah, makes sense. It was at first. Sometimes it still is. But actually, like most things that happen everyday no matter how strange, you get used to it and it begins to feel normal. Like the two minutes of uninterrupted eye contact I give my dog every morning, it doesn’t seem odd til you tell other people.
Now, I mostly just wonder why everyone else isn’t thinking about death too. Maybe they are and this is my cry for you all to come out of the woodwork. I’m not quite sure what started my fascination with death. But I know that it’s one of those taboo subjects that we’re not really allowed to talk much about because it’s scary and brings up weird feelings for everyone. Which, as time has taught me, is a guarantee that I’ll become obsessed with it.
I mean, how crazy is it that one day we won’t be alive anymore and nobody knows what happens after. I know, I know, most religions and belief systems are pretty sure they’ve got it figured out. But seriously, if you haven’t died, you don’t really know. That’s like, science. But you’re gonna find out. And so am I.
NOBODY KNOWS, EVERYBODY FINDS OUT.
I see old people and I wonder how they feel about being so close to death. I see babies and think of how lucky they are to have so much life ahead of them. I look at baby boomers and wonder what it’s like to know you’re more than halfway done. I see teenagers and know they feel like they’ll never die and want to scream at them to go for their dreams and stop caring about that boy and don’t drive so fast and wear sunscreen for God’s sake!
Why aren’t we walking around talking about how we’re all going to die all the time?!
Mostly because the life after death part is a major crux of most religions and that’s how you start wars. But also because again, nobody really knows, and it doesn’t do to speculate and dwell too much on things we can’t know. Me? I happen to believe consciousness does continue in some way after death. It is a part of my faith, but also I’m woman enough to admit that I might believe that just because the alternative scares me too much. Humans have a very primal fear of the unknown. And I’ve spent so much fucking time figuring out who I am that it seems quite a bummer for it to all just...end.
I’m actually not alone in this. The Ancient Romans had a term for this dwelling on death tactic called “momenta mori,” which means “remember death” or “remember you will die.” (Fun party trick: when presented with a lull in conversation try saying to your new friend, “hey, remember you’ll die.” It’s a risk, but a good way to say “I’m the kind of person who likes parties but also has a shocking deep side, if you’re into that.” It also has the side benefit of being true so, win-win.) Regular contemplation of death was a pivotal practice for many philosophers including Plato, the Stoics, and Seneca. Some Buddhist monks even go so far as to regularly look at pictures of decaying bodies (corpse meditation) just to really send home the message. (Which 5 minutes and one Google search later I can wholeheartedly NOT recommend as a strategy that is currently working for me. Failed experiment. UNENDORSE.)
More recently, Stephen Covey in his popular self-help book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, encourages people to imagine themselves at their own funeral hearing their own eulogy. Ugh. I can’t bring myself to go all the way with this one either (see, I’m not weird, he’s weird), but the idea’s the same. Meditate on death. Begin with the end in mind.
Besides being the worst guest at a dinner party and shocking strangers on the internet, there are some seriously practical benefits to thinking about death. Here are a few that I’ve found in my own life:
1. The more you think about death, the less afraid of it you become. Most of us spend our days distracting ourselves from our mortality. Death doesn’t deserve your fear, and you want to be ready when you meet it. Make peace with it. As Albus Dumbledore said, “don’t pity the dead, Harry, pity the living.”
2. You become aware of the scarcity of time and determine your priorities. It’s amazing how little we understand about why we think and do what we think and do. Mindfulness is quite the buzzword right now for Americans (and a centuries-old tradition in Eastern religions.) We spend way more time focusing on the past and future than we do on the present, thereby wasting lots of time.
When we become regularly conscious of how little time we have, we make better decisions about how to spend it. Should I read this listicle about the biggest celebrity breakups this year? Or call a friend who I haven’t talked to in 6 months? Should I watch a fifth episode of Gilmore Girls even though I’ve seen it before? (You know Rory and Dean get back together, Sheryl, you’ve seen this one.) Or send some handwritten notes to people who I know are going through a hard time? Thinking about death puts life in perspective. And frankly, can help you be a better person.
3. You stop doing things you think you SHOULD do, and start doing things you WANT to do. Not only do we start prioritizing the important people and things, but we stop doing the things we don’t have a good reason for doing. We stop volunteering for groups we’re not interested in, reading books we don’t even like, doing or wearing things simply because that’s what others are doing or wearing. Do I have to be cliche? You’ve only got one life (maybe?), don’t waste it doing things you hate.
4. You think about what others will say about you when you’re gone. Thinking about what kind of legacy you want to leave with your loved ones is a powerful motivator. Do I want people to say, “man, I’m sad Liz is dead, she really loved tv shows and not doing things?” Or “man, I’m sad Liz is dead, she really loved me and did some awesome stuff.”
5. It will probably make you a deeper, funnier person. The more you are willing to face the transcendent concept of death, the more easily you will embrace other philosophical topics and life quandaries. Research suggests that being reminded of death facilitates creativity and humor as a coping mechanism. Many of the greatest creatives were/are incredibly funny and incredibly dark. So go ahead and get your dark side on!
Listen, the point is thinking more about death will help you live a better life. I’m finding it true in my own life and many religions have known it for thousands of years. Life is short, so do and think the right things by remembering you have limited time.
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